So I've been dealing with an incredibly difficult situation that I've been handling seemingly all my life. That's my inherit jealousy and hatred towards whoredom.
So, long story short, I met a girl from worked, and yeah, I liked her and found her attractive, but I knew she wasn't right for me since she isn't a believer in Jesus Christ, but I was still wanting to be friends anyways because she liked me and we got along ok.
Well, this girl ends up hooking up with this older guy who we both work with who just got divorced (probably because he wants to bang everyone at work) and so, she thinks its all good, he thinks its all good, and I'm in utter hatred and anger about it.
Here's what kills me about it....she did this even though she liked me but she thought, along with many people at work, that I was having an affair with a married girl who I admit, was totally my type and who I really got along with well. I was definitely tempted to the point where I just had to tell God that I couldn't handle it...it was way too strong for me but God was faithful and delivered me from an incredible mistake. Knowing my workplace, I'm sure rumors that I was actually sleeping with this married girl from the other women employees who liked me but were trying to manipulate HER into doing something like this so that I wouldn't like her afterwords. Well, it was ingenious because it worked.
She thought I would be open to whoredom and so tried to seduce me into pursuing a sexual relationship with her which, actually appalls me to my very soul. So now, I've been trying to understand why I'm so angry with her when in reality I didn't even like her THAT much. I was never spiritually attracted to her which is why I stayed away from pursing a relationship with her. Yet I'm jealous to a strong degree and hurt and appalled all at the same time.
So, I prayed about it and asked God...why am I feeling this way...I don't even like her that much! What I realized is that I actually love her. Not in a wife-love type of way but in a friend type of way. I really liked and cared for this person. What hurt me is that when she thought she could whore out to me it basically insulted everything I've been waiting and working for which is my future wife...a suitable wife who I know the Lord will bring me someday when its time. And me, being a vessel of God's wrath as was Jehu, soldiered up and completely stopped any kind of friendly communication with her. She just became my enemy and now the whole relationship changed.
I already know that I'm a jealous person when it comes to women which is why I stay out of inappropriate relationships with them. When it comes to competition with someone I would/could consider my wife, I wont do it because I'll literally kill the guy. Even though I admit I'm a hypocrite here and didn't always follow what I believe in the past, I KNOW the reason why sex is a sacred bond between a man and his wife. I KNOW what whoredom brings on people and that's at the very least, an incredible curse, or the will of Satan on a person's life. At the very worst it brings upon the curse of God on a people and that is something I do not want to be part of. I've seen it with my parents, I've seen it with friends, I've seen it from colleagues in college, I've seen it from people I've never met or cared to meet, I've seen it from coworkers.
Basically, she has a radioactive sign glowing on her now and it sucks because I really liked her and i wanted to be a positive influence in her life...not the other way around. The guy I can care less about really....he deserves everything he's going to reap, but I hate to see her commit to a relationship so vile. I hate that now when I see her all I can be is DEAD serious...and I have to be, because I know the fate of those who think sex is anything but the representation of the sacred love of God for his church.
Its really quite humbling and it truly makes me lonely. But it is a loneliness I must suffer for the sake of the Kingdom and for the sake of my future wife...and I will take it to the grave. It may be a difficult thing to suffer, but knowing what and hell is like, it is not even comparable to that kind of suffering and is well worth it Heaven's reward.
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